Since graduating as a High Priestess I have become well versed in the leading of various ceremonies. It has taken a few years to feel confident in rolling these out and placing myself as a Master of Ceremony in the spiritual world.
Over the years I have become familiar in all kinds of ceremonies from invocations, sabbat celebrations and moon drawing to the more complex acts of naming ceremonies, hand fasting, soul communions, baptisms and death ceremonies. I wanted to talk more about each of these to help people understand the beauty within ancient ceremony and how they are so timeless.
Tying the knot
Hand fasting
Hand-fasting is what I want to talk about today as it has become increasingly popular in recent years for couples that are even outside of the pagan/wiccan path. It’s a way of weaving in symbolism, magic and personalisation into a commitment ceremony without the rigid structure or religion found in traditional wedding services.
What is Hand-fasting?
Hand-fasting is a symbolic unity ritual in which a couple stand face to face as their hands are tied together – hence the phrase, tying the knot!. As your hands are bound, you can recite words that express your commitment to one another. For fans of the tv show ‘Game of Thrones’ you may have seen hand fasting and ‘cloaking’ on there.
Traditionally this is a pagan ceremony but this is becoming popular in spiritual services generally and for those that simply want to try/honour an alternative way of showing their love.
What Does Hand-fasting Symbolise?
Hand-fasting ceremonies date back over 2000 years. An ancient Celtic tradition, it was originally used to symbolise a betrothal, during which a druid priest would declare that the couple would be bound together. This engagement would last a year, as a sort of ‘trial marriage’, after which you’d decide to opt in or opt out. In later times, it was used in a marriage ceremony, in lieu of the presence of a priest.
Today, Celtic hand-fasting rituals are particularly common among couples from overseas getting married in Ireland and Scotland. But more and more Irish and British couples are featuring them in their own ceremonies too to symbolise the binding together of their separate lives and the commitment they’re making together.
What’s a Hand-fasting Cord?
A hand-fasting cord is a ribbon, or long piece of fabric used to bind your hands. Some couples use one or two cords, others use several.
You can use simple lengths of lace or ribbon, but some couples take fabric that’s significant to them, whether it’s from a family heirloom, made or gifted from family members, or cord in colours or patterns that have a significance. I tend to always advise that the cord is from something in the family. I particularly enjoy when material from the groom and brides family is sewn together as a cord as it represents the two families and ancestors coming together.
How Do You Do a Hand-Fasting?
You can chose to bind with one hand each or two. For one hand, stand side-by-side and hold out your arms together. If you choose two, stand face-to-face and clasp each other by the hands (or wrists for a more secure grasp!) – many couples will cross their arms, with one’s left hand linking the other’s right, which looks like an infinity knot from above. There’s no hard or fast rules.
You can ask either your celebrant or chosen members of your family or friends to do the fasting – some couples ask lots of different guests to come and place a ribbon over their hands.
There are several ways to tie the ribbon, from a simple knot to a more elaborate wrapping of the wrists.
As the knots are tied, some couples will plan to recite vows of commitment to one another (more on that below!).
After the ceremony, you’ll have your cord as a keepsake of your vows. I often recommend that this is kept and used as a ribbon on a couples naming ceremony gown for future offspring.
The vows should come from the heart and be personal to you.
As celebrant I will always say words individual to each couple as often these will be led not just by them but by their guides, deities or ancestors.
Who can perform a Hand-fasting?
In general it needs to be a High Priest or High Priestess – someone who has gone through the right vows and training to perform a sacred rite. However, if it is just for fun then anyone you love and trust could do it for you. Anyone who wishes to learn and study, and commit to a life of service can advance into this position. In some groups, these individuals are referred to as High Priest or High Priestess, Arch Priest or Priestess, or even Lord and Lady. The title will vary depending on the tenets of your tradition. It’s not recognised any longer as a legal form of marriage but this suits most couples as love isn’t about a contract!
Why I perform hand fasting
I am with the belief that Mother Nature is my church. So many couples have been denied the right to marry for such a long time owing to gender or religion and hand fasting is all encompassing and all inclusive. Training as a High Priestess meant I worked with both individuals and couples – some went through various growth and ceremony before hand fasting. Some chose to do death ceremonies and kill their old selves and commune with their souls and soul names before binding with another – something that traditional couples wouldn’t think to do before a traditional marriage. To marry two souls is an honour to me and being part of something so special and surrounded by such love is so beautiful.
I will always speak to couples and really get to know them before a ceremony to understand who they are. I will notice which ancestors and deities turn up during these conversations and allow spirit to lead my blessing.
Contact me if you feel handfasting is something you are interested in or if you need more information..
Handfasting certificate